-Note To Self-

...I want to meet the one

get married

build a life together

a family...

*In life you’ll realize there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

*Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy.  If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.

*Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.

*Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring – all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

 

*Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.

*You know you’ve found true love when you catch yourself falling in love with the same person over and over again.

-Note To Self- The One

'I’m looking for love. Real love. 

Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, 

can’t-live-without-each-other love.'
-Carrie Bradshaw

-Note To Self- stars aligned...stay illogical

...if the stars can see it

why can't you?

there's no way to justify

how you treated me over the weekend

It's scary how someone

can have such a beautiful side

and in an instant transform into a monster

completely blind to everything

and everyone

I remember my father

being the exact same way to my mother

when I was a child.

He'd switch back and forth on her

toying with the "love" switch

and causing her so much pain

I remember her calling him the devil

so many times

and at four years old

I sat and watched them fight 

and agreed

he was the devil

The demon inside

that you unleash

eats, destroys, lies, manipulates

and hurts people.

It definitely hurt me.

In January

You had the nerve 

to tell me face to face

on three different occasions

 that you deeply regret

hurting me the way you did.

That out of all people,

I didn't deserved

to be treated that way.

You said you were stupid

and that you didn't know 

what was good for you back then

You said you loved me

and would do anything

to make things right...

to make me see that you've changed

and that you're worth

giving another chance.

I was open to it

and you played me

It's a damn shame really

because I was on my way to loving you

unconditionally

the right way

There's no excuse PO

There's no excuse

and it all breaks my heart

Lovers don't treat each other that way

Friends don't treat each other that way.

I don't think you even understand what 

love really is

and that's sad

because that's all you claimed

to embody

the past six months.

Whenever you turn into that thing

that lives inside you

You're capable of destroying people.

You ignite fires

and allow them to grow,

burning everything to ash

PUT IT TO REST

You scare me...

Cassie - King of Hearts

...you are the prince of charm

destruction is your art

you only play my love

to be the king of hearts

...and we go

and we go

and we

go...

I wonder just how many

you have

in your collection

Is mine even front and center?

Is it still beating?

Can you hear it

throbbing

in your drawer

for release

while you lay in bed

at night?

Would you ever hold it?

Look at it?

Study it?

Speak with it?

Learn to love it?

Or do you simply 

steal them away

locking them deep

deep

deep

in that dim cave

to never be heard or felt

ever again?

Robin Thicke - Get Her Back

...you told me

you want to be in my arms every night

you told me

you want to wake up to me every morning

you told me

we belong to together

you told me 

we're soul mates

you told me

we were cut from the same crystal

you told me

I was the most beautiful man

you told me

there was no one else like me

you told me

you wanted a future together

you told me

you wanted to marry me

you told me

you wanted a house together

you told me

you wanted children together

you told me

that we should travel

and plan trips this summer

you told me

you weren't going to leave

you told me

you weren't going anywhere, ever

you told me 

you'd never hurt me again

but you did 

you went through months of connecting with me

apologizing, and promising all of these things

and even though I had reservations,

I couldn't help but fall

back into you

because of your smile, humor

charm, and look

that you'd give me

I loved speaking with you everyday

and was getting used to the thought

of waking up to you

every morning...

Ryan Leslie - Not My Girl

...I smoked hookah

for the first time last night.

The flavor was white

peach, but I didn't taste

much.

I thought I'd feel something more

get some kind of high or tingle

seeing that it's the first

thing I've ever smoked.

I don't really see 

what people get out of it

But I guess it doesn't matter.

It was nice sitting there

with three other men

singing along to Pointer Sisters

"Automatic"

and SOS Band's

"Take Your Time"

That night, I sat there

thinking about the differences between

sex and friendship

sex and intimacy

and sex and love

what did it all mean?

what did love even mean?

You see,

earlier that day, I lost

someone I loved.

Someone I gave my heart to

many times over

and I told myself 

that I didn't have it in me

to do it anymore

I was let go

abandoned

again

after I was promised 

that I'd never be hurt again

after I was promised

so many things.

I was failed again

but it could be my own fault

for allowing the scorpion to lead

this beautiful virgin away from

her reeds, luring her

to a cold barren cave

where she was stung repeatedly

and killed

for the fourth time in three years.

And this time

that beautiful virgin

may as well as be dead.

dead to herself

for being so foolish

So it's clear 

that it's time for a real change

a real step forward

and last night 

with the guys,

I decided to let go of my inhibitions

step by step.

I was always one to say

"I'd never do this or I'd never do that..."

and be so very proud to have such a high

moral compass.

But recently I've found that

we build ourselves and our loved ones

way too high and when we/they make a mistake

everything comes falling apart,

sorry makes no difference when it should

and everything is in disaster.

So last night

I flew down from my pedestal

and noticed for the first time that the mess

isn't all that messy

and when viewed up close

there are so many beautiful elements

that would make a person so strong and 

stunning

when pieced back together.

And it's now that I truly believe 

that a man is most beautiful

when he shows and accepts his vulnerability.

and so my cracks are here on display

to remind myself of how I should be treated

how I should be loved.

I want things to change

to be better

to be stronger

to let it fly

and know that everything will be well

And last night

that puff of white

peach 

made me feel human

for the first time 

in three months

before that, I broke my own rule

of never being intimate with someone

unless we were in a committed relationship

and it felt so good 

to free myself and give into desire

give into someone else that was so beautiful

and could organically melt into me

folding into one another

like perfection

And I want that feeling again

but from someone who means it...

Nicole Scherzinger - Your Love

...I thought I saw a piece of your face

that day the sun stood behind you.

I could only make out your frame

and strong shoulders

a piece of your smile.

It's getting closer to meeting you

again

I can feel it

But you must know

All the drakes who dared declare

will find their reflections 

murky and weathered

They will forever be haunted

by my face

my name

knowing

I was the one

that got away

the good one

who got tangled

in their thorns

piercing my neck

my heart

in an attempt 

to blacken me

I won't be destroyed

by ones undeserving

of my spirit.

and so....it's up to you now

to find me.

Hidden away, how could I forget you

How negligent and impatient

of me to not see you and only you

to simply wait

for your hand

alone

I'll hold onto your brooding

dark eyes

and piece of face

that sliced so bright

cutting into me

filling me

with that glorious feeling

I've dreamt of

ever since 

I was nineteen ...

Short Film - The Blue Umbrella

...could it be

that I'm the only blue

and you the only red

in this sea of black?...